Losing Spontaneity

Today I was supposed to fly out to NYC to visit Anna.  I had to cancel considering I just had surgery yesterday.  Besides, right now being 3,000 miles away from my doctors makes me a little apprehensive.  Not knowing what my body is going to do next makes me want to stay grounded and close to medical help.  Ahhhhhh.  I’m taking precautions and removing spontaneity out of my life.  For those who don’t know me, I live for spontaneity and the freedom to move about well…freely.  This is causing my world to turn upside down and I feel like a strait jacket has been forced on me.  Stupid disease, haven’t you done enough damage already?

My sister decided that I shouldn’t be alone so she’s dragging me over to her place to stay with her over the long weekend.  I said I would be fine by myself.   But, she was adamant about it.  Just in case if there was an emergency she wanted me to be with someone so that they could take me to the hospital if need be.  I cave in because a twinge of me was slightly afraid that something could go wrong because lately I’ve been feeling like I have no control over what goes on inside my body these days.  I feel so helpless.  I don’t like this feeling.

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