Confessions before the Plunge

I’ve had the same conversation with a few of my close guy friends.  A conversation that I can now spot a mile away.  A conversation that always leaves me feeling at first elated like a newly filled balloon but in the end always leaves me feeling dissipated and empty.

It all starts with casual small talk about nothing in particular and then when my guard is let down when I least expect it, out of left-field comes the awkward, sometimes cleverly disguised comment of the what-ifs, maybes and potentially pending alternate realities.

“Now, that I’m getting married and it doesn’t matter..I need to know…would we have ever worked out?”

“This doesn’t mean we’re not friends.”

“You were never into me like that anyways…were you?”

“I can never have you and my fiancee in the same room together, because I wouldn’t know how I would choose.”

“When you asked me to teach you how to play the Wii, was that a cleverly-disguised pick-up line?”

Basically, they want to know if circumstances permitted, if at any point in time could there have been an “us”.  But, this conversation occurs AFTER they get engaged or married.  As if it’s now safe to proceed.  And then what?  What if I say yes?  What happens then?  But, of course I never say yes, but I never say no.  But, never add any fodder to make them hesitant at their decision.  It’s definitely an interesting conversation to have.  It always makes me kind of sad and happy at the same time.  Bittersweet.

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