And Men Think Women are Complicated?

I usually need to have the last word.  Or else it bothers me to no end to the point that it affects my concentration on anything else.  I feel undone if I don’t get it off my chest.  I rehearse over and over again what I would say or write in my head.  And then I usually hastily click send/dial and out go the messages to the universe.  And once it’s out, it’s out.  And then I am calm.

So, after 9 days of me in Peru and 9 days of him in Argentina I send him a quick email to say hi and see if he wanted to grab dinner and exchange stories about our South American travels.  He texts me the next day and says to call him after bowling, which was posted on my FB status.  I called him after bowling and we chatted for a bit and made plans for dinner Wednesday night.

Our third date  seemed to have went well, though wasn’t our best since I was having a rough week, but was 2 ½ hours of conversation over sushi and ended with a brief make-out session in the car and a “I’ll see you again soon?” from him.  On Saturday I sent a text to say hi and see what he was up to for the weekend.  No response.  Now, I normally wouldn’t jump to conclusions but he’s normally pretty responsive to phone calls, texts and emails.  And really, I’m just looking for the bad in this situation.  Because well frankly I still have trust issues that dictate my heart and therefore my actions and because I had had such a rough week I was exhausted so my enthusiasm was a little sub-par.  I was nervous that it wouldn’t be the same, that he wouldn’t like me or I wouldn’t like him, and all my energy went into that thought.  I wasn’t as affectionate and I called all the shots that night.  I picked the place, picked him up and paid for dinner to have some sort of control in the situation.  I’m actually bummed that he hasn’t responded or reached out.  Things went so well the first two dates and I never connect with people this easily.  Maybe he’s busy, maybe he never got my text, maybe he met someone else he likes more.  All these thoughts race through my head and I want them out.  So, I compose a letter/conversation that I want to share with him.  I decided to write the letter now to get it out of my head and then if I still don’t hear from him, I will send it just to sate my curiosity.  I’ll probably regret it later but it’s the only way to get these rambling, out-of-control thoughts out of my head.

Hey M,

Hope your launch goes well with the new product.

I really should just send that, as I just wrote and deleted lines of text that make me sound rather pathetic and sad.  I guess I could re-iterate that I have a good time with him and thought we connected at least on the most superficial level.

Hey M,

Que pasa?  I had a good time with you and was enjoying getting to know you.

Too casually friendly?  Maybe more nonchalant?

Hey M,

You have a way of convincing people to fall quickly for you.  You’re good.  Teach me your skills.

WTF?  I don’t need to send anything.  What I needed was to write it out realize what a retard I am and just leave it at that.  I am such a retard.  He’s just not that into you.  I get it.

So after having a full day to think about it and the urgency of getting it off of my chest dissipating slightly, I called a friend.  And just talking it over out loud definitely helped put things into perspective.  My boss, who noticed that my energy level had shifted drastically in a matter of few days, told me after hearing my side of the story that if he was M he would have thought that due to my shift in behavior that I was no longer interested.  Because I like to exhaust all options before I accept defeat or reality, I felt like I still needed to double check.  This way if he doesn’t respond then I won’t have to guess whether or not he thinks I’m not interested or whatnot.  Then I know I let him know that I enjoyed getting to know him if he wants to see me again he can and I would like that but if he doesn’t then good luck and good-bye.  And then I move on.   That’s all I can do.   Wow, and I’m okay with that thought.  Is this what people call maturity?

Okay.  Nine days later, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.  So, I thought if I wrote it all out and slept on it I’d be fine.  Not.  Of  course, I clicked send right after I typed the last word.  Well at least now I’ll know for sure right?  I’m the most impatient person in the world.

Hey M,

How are you?   How is your product launch coming along?  I’d love to check it out when it’s done.  I also wanted to see if you wanted to get together again some time soon.  On our last date I was kind of having a rough week and I might have seemed not into being there.  Total off day.  But, I’ve had a really great time getting to know you.  Do you want to try a third date revisited?  I know it gets kind of awkward right around now trying to guess what the other person is thinking/feeling.  But, I thought I’d give it another shot since I don’t normally make that kind of connection with people I meet in general, let alone on Match.  So, here are my thoughts out there for the taking=) I would love to see you again!  If not, don’t worry about it being awkward, we got that part over with on the first date, remember?

Radio silence.   I can’t figure guys out.  And they think we’re complicated.  I was disappointed that he didn’t even at least reply to say that things didn’t work out, or that he met someone else.  He seemed honest and upfront about things.  Smart and to the point that I thought he would have at least responded with something.  Nope.  Just ignored it.  I loathe being ignored.  I almost want to write him one more thing that’s not so nice as what I wrote above.  But, that would just make me a crazy person.  Anyways, I’m kind of sad to see this one go.  I thought we made a connection.  We at least had the attraction thing going.  I have no idea what change the dynamic.  Oh well.  Same old, predictable thing.  Why was I surprised?  I’m just too trusting of a person.  I definitely need to work on that.

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