Wishin’ and Hopin’

I just found out that my ex is getting married. Yes, the same guy who told me he wasn’t ready for marriage after 3 years of dating me. The one who freaked out so much about about taking the next step that he cheated on me just to get out of the relationship. The same one who then asked for reconciliation because he could not not have me in his life. The same one who told me that I could never be in the same room with any new girl he dates because he wouldn’t know what he would do if he had to choose. The same one, after all that, I still considered my best friend.

My best friend’s wedding. And I am playing the role made famous by Julia Roberts.

He’s getting married to a girl he’s been dating for 3 months. I have no words for my sheer perplexity. I give up on trying to make sense of this dating game. I am utterly and straight-forwardly confused.

My first inclination is to ask what the hell am I doing wrong? Why is it that I can’t be the happily ever after? I am the lofty dream that never comes true. I am the fun and games, the appetizer, the training wheels, the practice but never the real thing.

My afterthought, and thank goodness I’m secure and comfortable with myself enough to have it, is that it was never supposed to be, not the right one. And I’m just learning what to contrast the RIGHT one against.

Yet, even with that afterthought, it’s still a sucker punch to the stomach=-(


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