Drop It Like It’s Hot

I was walking around Ralph’s yesterday and noticed that the store in its entirety is covered in red and pink paraphernalia. And I mean everything. Balloons flooded air space, flowers inundated ever corner, sweets were topped, wrapped and coated in something of the reddish hue. I almost thought I was in a party goods store instead of a grocery store. It’s amazing how much of an intangible emotion can be integrated into the retail world…especially in a place where we buy things to put into our mouths to chew up for nutrients and ultimately poop out.

The symbolic representation of love has gone to shits. Literally.

Strolling the aisles, I picked up this ridiculously huge mylar balloon in the shape of a heart and dragged it around the store. Don’t ask me why I did that. I just did. Maybe I thought it would be fun to make a mockery of the whole holiday by symbolically dragging my heavy heart around the grocery store. Rounding the dairy section, I noticed that there was a weight tag that said “I sing” on it. Curious, I clicked on it and it started to sing some old Elton John song really loudly. So loud, that I threw the balloon down the frozen food aisle and twitterpated away from it before anyone could track me to that obnoxious excuse for a representation of a selfless emotion.

What a stupid display of affection.

I’m not bitter. I promise. I only got out right rejected by a guy, who I was unsuspectingly beginning to fall for, when he decided to drop me like I was hot when his cheating ex-girlfriend came crawling back to try to make things right again. Dropped like it was hot. And we weren’t even dancing.


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