Guide to Me Safety

Ben knocks on the door. Felicity answers.

“Hey.”
“I was in the neighborhood and I wanted to say hi.”
(awkward silence)
“Ben, what are you doing? I know you wanted to say hi, but…”
“Do you want me to go?”
“No.”
“I just…The last few weeks you’ve been stopping by, and calling…It’s great. I mean, I love seeing you, but…it always ends with you pulling away, and then it hurts all over again.”
“Well, I’m sorry.”
“Ben, I want to be with you, and if you were to tell me today that you wanted to start over, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second. But, that’s not what you’re saying, is it?”
“I don’t know.”
“It’s late, I should go to bed. Have a good break.”

(Roll credits)

Felicity sits listening to music in her room on her bed. She’s packing away memorabilia. Javier enters.

“What are you doing?”
“Just packing things up?
“Ah, Benjamin stuff?”
(sighs)
“Yeah.”
“I did that with my Samuel stuff. Whatever you do, don’t read the love letters.”
“You’re too late.”

Felicity packs all the memories away, including the necklace Ben gave her.

The episode actually ends with Ben walking in the snow, having an epiphany and realizing he didn’t want to risk losing Felicity forever. So he runs after her to the airport, stops her from getting on her plane and tells her that he now knows he wants to be with her. Noel on the other hand, with the suggestion of his therapist, decides that it’s time to move on and not wait for Felicity to come around. Even though, he knows there might be a chance. He feels he’s wasted years waiting for her. So, he makes a firm executive decision to get control of his life and focus on a life without Felicity.

Have I mentioned that Felicity is my all-time favorite show? At one point in time all the characters on show reflected all the people I knew in my real life. Okay, some with a slight stretch but the key characters were on point in characteristics and situations. I am on Season 4 Disc 3 Episode 11. I’m petrified to end the season because it’s the last season of the series and I will have to bid farewell to this chapter of my parallel life.

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. But, I can only sit and whine about things for so long, you know. There might have been a reason why I watched that particular episode last night and maybe there wasn’t such a cosmic coincidence. We see what we want to see and we filter everything else when we don’t want to realize the actual truth because the truth might not be what we want to see.

All I know is that saying good-bye is not an easy thing to do. But, sometimes the hardest decisions are the best ones for everyone in the long run. It scares me that one, single decision can change the course of an action, the ripple affecting many lives down the line. It’s comforting to keep things the way they already are and not venture out to see what else is out there. But, there is an entire world out there. Yes, it’s scary because it’s unknown. But, it won’t be unknown for long if you just get to know it.

I’ve been doing some intense “soul-searching” lately. I’m thinking seriously about my next move in life. NYC and DC are two places that have come out on top. I’m thinking of applying for a career with the Dept of State in foreign affairs on the humanitarian side. Just a thought. A friend said to me last night that I change my mind every few days. Yes, I am fickle like that. I am aware. But, it’s only because I’m always looking for the next great thing. I can’t settle. There will always be something to conquer and life is really just too short to spend it statically. Don’t you think?

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