In retropect there were a lot of warning signs that I should have taken notice of. All in all, half of this was my fault for believing that he actually loved me with every ounce of his soul. Ha. I thought we were “soulmates”. I never once thought he would cheat on me. So, I never felt the need to peek or pry or wonder why. But, this is a lesson. Keep your man on a very short leash. If he gets too much freedom he will stray. Okay, maybe not if he’s honest but better to be safe than sorry.
On to Anatomy of a Cheater
1. Very early on in the relationship (like first couple months) he talks of monogamy, marriage and children openly and intently. He talks about our kids and what their names will be and of the two of us who will be the disciplinarian and who will be the cool parent. He made me the disciplinarian. I refused. This is a lie just to get you to sleep with him. Don’t do it.
2. When you bring up the topic of your dating histories he acts nonchalant and elusive. He says they didn’t mean anything and it’s not important. He then tells you that you’re the only thing that matters now and that the past is the past. LIE. It’s because he can’t bring up the fact that he never broke up with her and is still in love with her and still calling and messaging her on facebook and sees her when he goes home for visits.
3. He puts a security code on his computer to lock it. I thought it was strange that he would get touchy whenever I asked to use his laptop. It’s because he was hiding illicit affairs with his other girlfriend and a bunch of other girls. He also looked at a lot of porn.
4. He refuses to add you as a friend on MySpace. Early on he had signed up for a MySpace account and we got into a fight because he added everyone but me. He declared MySpace a stupid and immature thing and cancelled his account. Maybe it was because I had 20 couple photos of him and I everywhere and that I declared I had already met my “Who I want to Meet.” Instead he signed up for a Facebook because I didn’t have one, never told me about it and kept in contact with the other girlfriend that way. Clever.
5. He introduces you as his “friend” to people that might get back to his past . When you give him that “Are you ashamed of me?” look he explains that he is still getting used to the idea of you two as a couple and got nervous. He then gives you a loving peck. And you melt and forget all about it. Don’t. Call him out on it or loudly introduce yourself as the girlfriend.
6. He never invites you home to meet his friends and family. He attends 10 weddings or so over the course of your dating and never invites you to one. When you bring it up, he always says “Oh, I didn’t think you’d want to go because plane tickets are so expensive.” Man, was I an idiot. I went to two of my friend’s weddings back to back when we first moved to LA and he was my plus one both times. The only time I met his parents was at graduation when I forced them to meet my parents.
7. He adamantly says that he can’t stand people who cheat. He has a boss who has a mistress and he has to set-up their rendezvous meetings. He always got upset and says how much he can’t stand cheating bastards like that. Guess what? That means you hate yourself.
8. He used to send his writing (scripts) to me to critique and correct. Then stops and starts sending them to other girls who would only give him nothing but fluffy feel good praise without any actual constructive criticism. I guess I was a little too harsh on his writing, I was trying to make it better…geez, I really did want you to succeed, but in actuality (and this could be my hatred speaking right now) the writing isn’t really any good. Ooops. I guess I lied too.
9. He gets extremely jealous when you’re around other guys or when other guys call or email you. He even gets jealous that you have a Jake Gyllenhaal photo on your wall and refuses to watch any movie with him in it. You lose contact with all of your guy friends but yet he gets to keep all of his girl friends and girlfriends.
10. He emails colleagues from undergrad, when asked about a significant other in his life, that he’s not ready for marriage and working on his career and is still looking for “The One” while he’s still living in your apartment and sleeping with you and supposedly still in love with you. I wish I had found this email sooner.
He still claims that he was more in love with me than the other girlfriend and that because he never resolved things with the other girlfriend he couldn’t fully give himself to me. What a bunch of crock. He also says that he was scared because he thought that the next step with me was marriage and kids and he wasn’t ready. So, instead he cheated. What kind of fucked up logic is that? I never once pressured him and he was the one that first brought up marriage and kids when I was still contemplating if we should even be dating. So, everything out of his mouth is still a lie. You were caught. Give up and tell the truth. Stop lying.
On a bright note. Thanks to you I’ve lost the comfort weight that I gained while dating you. I am 20 pounds lighter and I can wear my skinny butt jeans without having you flip out because other guys are staring at my ass. Take that.