What’s Going On

So, I started full-time at MRM, an interactive advertising agency, with a benefits package and all as of January 2006.  I really liked the people at the office so I decided to sign on.  I was tired of going from job to job freelancing so it was a nice change of pace.  I could relax and not worry about finding my next job so that I could focus on my writing for a bit.  Or that was the plan at least.  It turns out that the regular pace I thought I’d appreciate started to weigh down on me and I have lost the inspiration to write.  Writing has been an after-thought lately and even a chore when it used to be something I LOVED and HAD to do even if it meant sleeping less, missing a social outing or skipping a TV show.  I miss that.  I miss the passion.  But, writing right now at this exact moment has made me realized how much I missed it.  How surreal it is to combine consonants and vowels to make definitive words to put together to make a coherent sentence that tells personal stories.  It’s a powerful tool that allows us into the heads of other people.

I am in the process of making the rounds with the doctors.  Rheumatologist, ophthalmologist, dermatologist.  So far, no specific disease.  I have been feeling healthier.  I have gained back all the weight (20 lbs) and more (to my dismay) I had lost in 2004.  But, if it means being healthier then bring on the pounds.  I’m not as lethargic and I haven’t had any spells of any sorts since moving back from Syracuse.  So, here’s to a healthier me.  I am starting an exercise routine come April 1st.  Why April 1st?  Holly is joining the gym then and we’re going to be work out buddies.  Since I have no motivation to get to the gym on my own.  I am doing pilates and yoga at home starting today, the vernal equinox or the first day of spring.  Time to do some spring cleaning of the mind, body and soul on top of the physical surroundings.

Goals seem more more accomplishable when written down.

I am turning over a new leaf.  I do not like who I have been lately.  I don’t know what to attribute it to but I have put on my unhappy face.  I am stunted.  I am bored.  I am frustrated.  And I don’t like it.

I want to feel alive again.  I want to soar.  I want to breathe.  I want to find inspiration.  A spiritual renewal of sorts.  Who am I?  And who do I want to be?

I want to rid my thoughts of negativity.  I want to be a better daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend and person.

I want to create, flourish and live a fulfilling life by making an impact on someone, somewhere, somehow.

This is my declaration of spiritual renewal.  I am in search of myself lost.


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