Me, An International Author

Just Applied: E! Entertainment Television Production Assistant position.

Currently Eating: Nori (Roasted Seaweed). I hear it makes your hair shiny. But that’s not why I eat it. I eat it cuz I think I’m turning Japanese. I think I’m turning Japanese. I really think so. Mmmmm. I want some sushi.

I got an airmail letter today from London. I thought it was the miracle that I’ve been searching for. That I had won a contest without even having entered. Or the stars have finally aligned and my British soulmate has finally tracked me down. Farfetched I know…but it’s my daydream. My soulmate is going to have a British accent, dammit. Or that I was such a great intern at Black Dog Films that Ridley Scott decided to hire me to work in the London office. I’m not even sure if they have a London office.

But, nope. Do you want to know what it really was? It was from Noble House in London. They are a publishing house. Apparently, Noble House is “one of the world’s foremost publishers of fiction and nonfiction works by new and established authors”. Nigel Hillary, the publisher, has had the pleasure of reading the poetry that I have published in the United States. And he proposes that my singular talent and vision deserve appropriate recognition in Europe as well. So, he has requested my permission to include one of my poems in a new poetry edition that is being published in the U.K. by Noble House called Theatre of the Mind. He says my publication in this Edition will establish me as an international author and afford me the respect and admiration attendant to such an honour. Although, I am not obligated I can obtain a copy of the Edition for only £28.95 or $45.55 U.S. dollars. Whoopity-do. Can you believe it? Me, an international author all for the ridiculously low price of $45.55. Hmmm, I wonder if I can put that on my resume.

Today and everyday this week, at the five ‘o clock hour listen to KROQ for chances to win Radiohead tickets somewhere in Europe. 1-800-520-1067. If you win, you’re taking me with you.

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