i’m searching for a miracle. endlessly applying for jobs that i don’t even receive an automated email receipt response from. what do i have to do to knock down those doors. walk in naked or something. hmmmmm. maybe i’ll do just that. it’s so draining. so much effort with nothing to show for. i want to run away again. i lost my learning italian cd. so i can’t learn italian. i don’t know what to do. did anyone just hear me sigh? the heaviest sigh heard all around the world. sigh. there i go again. be still my heavy heart.
i got my deferment papers for Syracuse today. i’m still unsure if i want to go this year or next or not at all. i have until the end of this week to decide if i want to enroll this June. or not. or later. or not. or never. or not.
i’m not happy. i think i’m relapsing. i’m noticing a trend. it’s always upon returning home after a trip to somewhere. diagnosis: the “anywhere but here” syndrome. someone tell me what i live for. cuz i sure don’t know anymore. and the last thing i want to do is to just go through the motions. searching for a miracle. someone or something to rekindle the dying flame. save me.