Listing is like Therapy

i feel so helpless right now. like i’m standing still while everything else is in motion. no control. control. the control freak inside of me is crunching away. i need to make a list.

Traits I Love in Other People:
1. Laughs at themselves, outloud, in front of other people.
2. Owns a pair of black Converse.
3. Thinks in rainbow (as opposed to B&W).
4. Loves to eat and has a sweet tooth.
5. Knows how to cook or bake…or understands my obsession with collecting cookbooks but not using them.
6. Tries EVERYTHING at least once.
7. Breaks the rules and invents new ones.
8. Reads the Sunday newspaper all day.
9. Makes me laugh till I snort or cry.
10. Fights for what is right but will always let me win or let me think I’ve won.
11. Questions me when I question everything.
12. Believes in conspiracy theories.
13. Still surprises me.
14. Always a kid at heart.
15. Has a great imagination.
16. Lives spontaneously with no regrets.
17. Is full of passion for something, one thing or everything.
18. Dreams in color.
19. Tells the truth even when it might hurt.
20. Lives life unafraid.

so i’m fucking bored. out of my fucking mind. guess what i saw on cable tonight? “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” with Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt way back in the days. i want to enter to dance on Dance TV. i just want to dance. i think i’m going to take tap lessons this summer.

this weekend my brother is going to Arizona to see his friend who is in the army. he is getting shipped over to Kuwait on Wednesday. he’s already gotten his smallpox and anthrax vaccines. this fucking war is going to fucking happen. dammit. women should be in charge. then we can have tea parties with scones and crumpets, talk over our differences and color-coordinate the world.

currently listening: “Eleanor Rigby” – The Beatles.
“All the lonely people. Where do they all come from?”

i declare today B day.

ahhh, the Beastie Boys never fail to bring a half smirk, half smile to my face. check out their anti-war statement. it’s a free download with lyrics.

does anybody out there like to eat Peeps? you know, those sugar coated marshmallow bunnies and chicks that appear on the store shelves around Easter? my sister and i were having this discussion in the middle of a Rite-Aid about which Peeps tastes better. cuz now they come in all sorts of shapes, flavors, and colors. it was a deeply intense discussion when this man walked by and eyed us. he probably also wanted to know which Peeps were better. we decided on the original yellow chick Peeps. those never fail us. they’re on sale for $.79 at Rite-Aid. trying putting them in the freezer or microwaving them.

i now declare B day over. it is now T day.

currently listening: “Head Over Heels” – Tears for Fears, “My Heartbeat” – Tahiti 80, “A Sorta Fairytale” – Tori Amos, “I No Longer Know Anything” – Trembling Blue Stars.

i had this intense dream last night. i don’t recall much. i woke up all drained like i had climbed a mountain. all i remember was this competition that i was a part of, along with a few of my fellow peers. everyone was paired off into a team. the thing was it took place on haunted grounds. it looked like a Tim Burton stylized nightmare. like one mission was to sleep in a haunted house. there was evil all around. out of nowhere a dead tree would fall and that would become an instant obstacle. i think there were cameras following us around. thanks to reality tv. the objective was to not get killed. but there was this coveted boy that everyone wanted to be teamed up with. i made it my personal mission to become his partner. i can be fierce competition. well, in my dreams at least. what was weird is that this coveted boy was not clearly defined. i can probably sketch what most of the people and things looked like but he’s this big blur, yet he played such a core part in the dream. he was almost faceless. or a new face. someone i’ve never met before. all the other people were familiar faces. he and his current partner were on some sort of floating contraption. think Blimp. as it was taking off. the rest of us were behind a starting line. it was a race. we had to race and jump to reach the hands that would pull us on board. ready, set…i took off before they could say go. and it was neck and neck between me and this girl Tara that i went to high school with. i stumbled and she forged ahead. i did some “Hidden Dragon, Crouching Tiger” move and jumped through the air, passed her up and jumped a mile into the air to reach for the hand of my friend Janice. then i awoke.

hmmm. any interpretations?


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