disclaimer: not for the forever optimist, black and white thinker, or simply those who cannot fathom me anything less than suzy sunshine.
i try. and sometimes i feel like i’m drowning. like my lungs are about to burst from deafening screams only no one can hear them. muted. forever searching for a tiny sliver of something… anything to hold on to. to delay the inevitable. we can only tread water for so long. or we can succumb to the life preserver of nothingness to keep us afloat. the mundane. the routine. the compromised. attach one of those little bobbers and bob up and down in the dead calm for life.
i don’t want to grow up. the world i see in front of me is dishonest, disenchanted, and disgusting. i want a world without judgment. i’m regressing. i want to feel safe and know for a fact that everything is going to be okay just because mommy and daddy say so. i want to curl up in my bed, sleep to dream and never wake up.
the greatest thing about technology is that i can write this and you can read it and it will be gone faster before i can type the last period. zap mentality. close the window and poof it’s gone. and be on our merry ways. we used to open windows to the world. now we close them from ourselves. don’t worry. i won’t hold it against you. i promise. i’ll pop a sugar pill and be back to my old self by morning. or late afternoon. or just later. don’t worry be happy.