tricia brought me back these australian biscuits called arnott’s tim tam. australians eat them by biting both ends of the biscuit which has a chocolate center and is coated in more chocolate. then after biting the ends dip the biscuit into the tea and drink the tea using the biscuit as a straw. the chocolate melts right into your mouth. it’s the most divine thing in the world. now, i’ll just have to find these cookies here.
last night i had this dream that i got hitched. can you believe it? if not in my waking state, then in my subconscious, that i too, wish to succumb to the valiant prince on a white horse fantasy and be a bride one day. scary. it must be my biological clock ticking. yikes.
yes, back to the dream, i was getting married. or i was married. i don’t recall the context…but i had this big honking diamond ring on my left ring finger. the guy that put that ring on my finger was this guy, daniel, that i had one obsessive crush on during the 7th grade. i haven’t thought about this guy since my senior year of high school when we became friends because he was dating a friend of mine. you know, to this day i don’t think he knew that i had a crush on him.
anyways, this guy and i were going on this trip (i think we were in spain) and he brought his best guy friend along, his name was coincidentally chris martin, but he didn’t look like chris. he was this ex-frat boy with a beer belly and greasy slicked back hair. a smug kind of guy. ewww, gross. so, i met them there and i’m trying to get tickets for the train. or trade in my email confirmation for a hard ticket. apparently that’s what you needed to board the train and i didn’t know. so, dan and chris were getting ready to board the train when i was walking back and forth from head office to ticket booth trying to get someone to give me a ticket. they said i was late and i would have to wait till tomorrow.
meanwhile, chris comes to find me to help with the situation. he is definitely grossing me out. he’s all sleazy. but i try to be cordial because he’s dan’s best friend. whatever. so, since our luggage had already been loaded we tell dan to just go ahead to the next stop and catch our luggage. he goes and i immediately get a bad feeling in my stomach. i try to lose chris in the crowd but he’s everywhere. so, with dan out of sight he starts blatantly hitting on me. yeah, gross again.
then, we run into this girl miranda who has unrequited love for dan. she’s the arch nemesis in this dream. or wait, that could also be chris. no, chris is just an idiot. i can kick his ass. but, miranda, she’s inimical in the covert kind of way. she is just trouble. the next day as we take the next train, she talks herself into buying chris and i a celebratory drink in the train bar. the train has a bar. it’s one of those orient express kind of trains. the drinks were waiting for us when we got to the bar. that should have been a sign. we drink.
the next thing i know, i wake up in my train room and in my train bed…naked. and next to me is a naked chris. i have no recollection of what had happened. probably had a surging headache too. i’m disgusted at the hairy naked, still sleeping chris and am also trying to focus on what had happened. i start punching chris because somehow he is to blame. in my fit of fury, he awakes and is just as bewildered at the situation as i am. though, he’s enjoying it a bit more.
then as if on cue, there’s a knock on the door. miranda stands there mouth exaggeratedly agape with dan. ooops, wait…it’s all a mistake. dan, is furious with chris and maddingly disappointed with me. he punches chris with angered force (poor chris) and gives me one of the saddest looks on the face of the earth. the you’re-worst-than-the-bacteria-feeding-off-of-pond-scum look. i protest, chris clutches his bleeding nose and out the door dan goes. miranda smirks with flawless, self-promoting adualtion, turns on her heels and runs after dan.
it was miranda, we figure out, who spiked our drinks, got us to my room, into bed and then undressed us. evil villain that she is. so, the next i know…chris leaves to find dan to explain. at this point in the dream we are definitely in spain. everyone around us speaks only spanish.
i wait at the train station to figure out what to do next. while i wait, i get held up at gunpoint and i am robbed of the last of my personal belongings. i’m in a foreign country. alone. and now without money, credit cards, phone numbers, or passport. and to top it all off, the only words i remember in spanish are hamburguesas y papas fritas. well, if i get hungry for mcdonald’s, i’ll be able to find one. but i won’t be able to buy anything cuz i have no money. crap.
night falls, i’m still at the train depot. i find a circular bench to sit on. i am getting sleepy. but i try to fight off the sleepiness. i give in. i curl up on the bench and drift off to dreamland. in my dream, dan is standing before me. he’s looking down at me asleep on the bench. he can’t be mad at me any longer. my aura overpowers him. he realizes what a mistake he almost made. he doesn’t want to wake me. just watch me in my blissful sleep. then miranda appears. and she looks down at me with the same tranquil smile. they look at each other and then back down at me. then, i realize that i’m a baby. in a cradle. and that i am their baby. aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.
i jolt back to consciousness and i’m at the train depot sitting on the circular bench. dan is there standing nearby. he as an apologetic look on his face. i quickly scan the area for miranda. no miranda. whew. it was all a dream. without words he hands me freshly picked wildflowers, a cup of tea and some crumpets. (i know crumpets are an english thing and i’m not sure if they have them in spain, but work with me here.) apparently, he had cooled down enough to give chris a chance to explain. chris didn’t fail me, i knew he could do it. so, he’s not that bad after all. he just uses really bad pick-up lines and too much gel.
i guess we lived happily ever after. it’s all really a blur after the crumpets. or maybe i’m just p.g.-thirteening this dream.